Prayer and Supplication...

So, I've arrived at the conclusion that life just gets more complicated the older you get.  Dear Lord, I've got such a headache. So many worries, so many things going all at once. Work, Fabian's situation, my brother, the list goes on and on. Oh dear Lord, all it does is show me how much I need you everyday. You are the reason I can get thru it all. You fill my life. And I know that your word prevails.

"Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication make your requests known to God." That's what I'm doing today, Lord. I know I can only find myself in you. I know my life is hidden in you. This world will pass, these troubles of today will pass, but you remain as the steadfast rock in my life. My God, in whom, I lean on, rely and confidently trust. I want community with you, God. Give me dove's eyes, to only see you. Fill my life with you, make me that woman of faith, that woman who lives out of every word that proceeds from your mouth.

Father, I lift up Fabian to you. Dear God, you know how troubled my heart is. I don't know what to do but pray. And so I am praying. Dear Lord have mercy upon him, send your angels to guard him and keep him. Reveal yourself to him. Jesus, save him! Lift him out of the miry clay and show him your goodness, your everlasting life. Please, Dear Lord, bring the things that are hidden into the light. Give David wisdom and discernment to speak to him. Give A visions and dreams, reveal to her the things he is hiding. Father be his potter. That you would mold and rebuild him. Have mercy on him, Father.

Lord I lift up EF to you. My God, how I love him. How my heart hurts for him. I don't know how much suffering he is feeling right now, but I can only imagine. Father, please set him free from bitterness and unforgiveness. Erase the visions that torment him. God fill him with your love, your strength. Raise him up as a strong man of unwielding faith in his Lord. Change her as well God. Please work in her. Bring her to true repentance and fill her with your spirit, with your meekness. Give her wisom, give her the mind of Christ. And please protect the little one. Oh, God, send your angels to surround that little one right now. God, that nothing would impede his or her entrance into this world. Please make it so that little baby comes into a loving family, a family that is directed by you, that is filled with your spirit and your love. Dear Father, saturate that home with your spirit. Please send your angels to protect her and her womb, please God. Work a miracle, God. Please give them your joy. Set him free from debt, from financial bondage. Lord, be his provider, be his direction. Give me wisdom to speak to him, please give me your words and multiply our seed into him.

Dear God, help me at work. Sometimes I feel so discouraged, so overwhelmed, so un-animated. But Father, that is where you have put me, and so I am asking you to be my joy and my strength. Give me favor Father, but please keep me from idolatry or from desiring man's praise. God, show me what it is to live and work for you. To look to you for everything, for approval, for favor, for satisfaction. Help me, God. Help me to do well, to lift your name on high everywhere I go. Give me your eyes, your hands, your feet. God let my career be a living worship and sacrifice to you. Take away my fear, my insecurities. Help my unbelief. God, I surrender anew to you. I adore you my Father. You are the strength of my life.

Please help my friend. God, awaken her heart to you. Fill her with your spirit, with your joy. God ease her frustrations, and her fears. God, be her all. Surround her with your love, fille her with you. God that you would be more than enough for her. Father, bring her back to her first love, to that momen of utter and complete abandon in you. Grant her desires Father, but help her find all that she needs in you. Take away her anger. God bless her marriage. Give him wisdom, show him how to love and encourage her. God bless her womb. Make it fertile, and in your time Lord, bless her God. Oh Lord, how my heart desires to see my friend standing tall and strong, and unafraid of whatever this world throws her way right now. God, that she would be complete in you. Set her soul afire for you once again. God, touch her. Touch her heart, show her how to love you more and more everyday. Awaken her hunger and thirst for you. Show her how to live in you and walk with you everyday. Father, do an amazing work in her. Do a new work in her. Speak to her Father. Tune her ears to you. Take away her rebellion, her stubborness, her idols, her disillusionment. Dear Lord, that she would arise. Bless them financially, bless his studies. God make him a man who depends on you for every step. God give him more of you everyday. Save his family, his sister, have mercy on her. Dear Lord, cover my friend. Dear Lord, sanctify them for your good works. God, envelope them in your loving embrace. Make their home, a home where love and peace and joy would abide. Just take them all into you Lord.

And my parents. Lord where to start. I am tired, weary, almost losing faith. God, please, make me understand. Give me your eyes, give me your spirit. Father, please work in them. Work in that church. Take away my father's stubbornness. Give mami wisdom, give her patience and love. God  please humble him. God help him to stand before you naked and show him your way. Show him how to do it your way. Dear God, they work so hard. They have devoted so much of their time and life to this ministry. Dear Lord, please, please, please. That they would see your goodness in this life, that they would see the fruits of their labor bloom. God take down all the idols that they may have, give them wisom, make things simple. Help me believe, I almost can't believe any more. Father have mercy on them, show them the error of their ways and bless their labor, God. Please, Dear Lord, they need your help, your guidance. They need you.

New Blog Theme--Whatever You Do...

I've decided today to permanently or temporarily focus the theme of this blog on one thing: my experiences and daily successes or failures at living out Colossians 3:23

"Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as something done for the Lord and not for men. Knowing with all certainty that it is from the Lord and not from man that you will receive the inheritance which is your real reward. The one whom you are actually serving is the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24.

This verse has become my hearts desire now so much more than ever that I have started this new job. Thank you God for my job-I've been gone for so long and haven't had much of a chance to write about it here, but my heart is so thankful.

So very thankful and amazed at the way you worked it all out (my anxiety over the interview in Fort Pierce and the fact that the interview in Orlando-my first choice-was not set for several weeks later, Fort Pierce's notification that I didn't get the job right after Orlando sent me the letter, Mr. V's email and on and on...)

I don't have much time to write now, but I will soon. Despite my initial excitement with my new job and my eagerness to learn and do good, I've been bombarded with questions, doubts, peer pressure, insecurities...and on and on it goes. Worst of alll, I've developed this intense desire to climb the ladder of legal opportunity and prestige and please my superiors. I know it's all wrong, and I realize my perspective has seriously been hampered. That's why I'm writing about Colossians 3. This is my prayer today Lord, and I will focus and direct my energies to making it true in my life.

The Bar

Oh Dear Lord. Where to begin. I don't know. I have this huge mountain in front of me, and it looms so big. Please put David's words deep in my heart, "With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall.", I don't know how I can do it, don't know how other people do it. I can only trust that you, my God, my hope of Glory will do. That you will do as you've done these past three years, you've amazed me in so many ways.  God and you've been good, remind me. Remind me of all the funny little stories of how you provided and came through. Like that semester when I was getting married right after finals, or the time I freaked out about applying to Fort Pierce and Orlando and being so scared that the timing would be off and I wouldn't get that job in Orlando. And what did you do? You showed me. I wonder what you were thinking that day I was freaking out and scared, you probably remembered that I was made of dust and had compassion on me even in my obtuseness. Thank you Lord. And you will come through again, your hand is not shortened. Thank you for your word God, and thank you for Vanessa and this scripture.

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
⁶ Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!

Dear God, do this for David. Give him this communion, this assurance that you give me. It's only with you that I can stand, that I can face this great unknown and have peace. I want him to experience that. Bring him to your chambers, God.

Bride of Christ

I am the bride of Christ. You love me and have asked me to be yours. You love me as a husband loves his bride. God, I didn't know what that meant, but now that I'm married to David it astounds me. He is such a beautiful reflection of what it means to be a bride.  His love for me is a holy reflection of your love, and your acceptance and the holy intimacy that exists between you and me. Thank you God, because as much as he loves me, with all my imperfections, and how embracing he is of me and my quirks even with my faults, you love me so much more. It's hard to comprehend. God, the openness and trust that I feel towards him, to know that the King of the universe feels for me the way he feels for me and more, is overwhelmeming. I love you God. I am so thankful that you have made me your bride, that I am a part of you. God, I thank you for your everlasting love, for your sacrifice for me, for laying down your life for me. For ransoming me. You bought me like Hosea bought Gomer and you came after me and you continue to come after me everyday of my life. Thank you for covering my nakedness, for cleansing my dirt and sin. I love you God. I love you. Open my eyes. God, open my eyes to see you. Allure me to you, woe me to you. Sanctify me. Teach me to love you good. To love you with all my heart, mind and spirit.

Have You An Arm Like God's?...

Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be justified? Have you an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like his? Deck yourself with majesty and dignity; clothe yourself with glory and splendor. Pour out the overflowings of your anger, and look on all who are proud, and abase them. Look on all who are proud and bring them low; tread down the wicked where they stand. Hide them all in the dust together, bind their faces in the world below. Then I will also acknowledge to you that your own right hand can give you victory. (Job 40:8-14)


Awesome. Awesome, and marvelous. God that is all that I can really say, not many words left. How long have I missed this? For too long. Job apparently hadn't found out either b/c afterwards he says he didn't really know you. Or perhaps he forgot. God I want to know this side of you.  I want to say as he did:


Therefore, I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me which I did not know...I had heard of thee by hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees thee; therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes...

So Much Right Now...

Oh Father. What do I say right now? I'm tired, so tired. And I'm thankful. The other day, I pretty much broke down because I was so overwhelmed by your goodness. I have a job. You provided, as you promised. And I'm so excited God. I look forward to it with so much expectation and wonder. But right now I have this huge mountain to climb and I'm becoming exhausted. Weary, just weary. I probably haven't done this the right way either though. I could probably be praying a lot more, taking more time to slow down and rest. Just rest in you. You are my rest. God help me please. This exam seems impossible, my brain doesn't seem to quite retain all of this information and time slips thru my hands everyday.

And then, then there's my baby. He's going thru the same right now God. Working so hard, hoping for so much, but neither of us really know what can happen.  God that's how it feels at times. And then I have to remember that your goodness and your heart is for us. That you desire his happiness and his good. Please hide us in your shelter, cover us with your mighty hand. I love you Daddy. We trust you, lead us...there's so much that's unknown right now. But you are a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.

I Want Understanding

Dear Lord, I am getting so frustrated. Lately I've been having this persistent desire to really, really study your word. I am so tired of just accepting what people say, of hearing the incessant debates about scripture interpretation and application without really knowing what's true. On top of that, I keep thinking of all the verses that say that we are to study your word. But I don't even know where to begin. Everytime I try to do it, I get bogged down by controversy and disputes in the text. Today's reading of Matthew 1 is an example; I never knew the  reference to Isaiah 7:14 of Jesus' virgin birth had caused so much discord.  But in all honesty, it is onfusing to me. Isaisah 7:14 is talking about a child who learnd right from wrong. But Jesus knew no wrong, he was sinless! So how do I make sense of it all? God, please, please, keep me from inerrant doctrine. Keep me from bogus claims. Lead me in your truth, teach me your word God. I want  want to hide your words in my heart and I want to understand your precepts and follow them. Here is my request of you Lord, according to your word:

• Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. (Luke 24:45) God open my mind.
• Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this. (2 Timothy 2:7) Give me insight, help  me to reflect please.
• They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving meaning so that the people could understand what was being read. Show me the meaning of your word so that I can understand it.
• My heart will utter words of wisdom. My heart shall utter understanding." (Psalm 49:3) Let my heart be filled with wisdom and understanding of your ways.
• Give me understanding and I will keep your law. Yes, I will obey it with all my heart. (Psalms 119:34) Father, I want to know you so that I can honor you.
• Your testimonies are righteous forever. Give me understanding that I may live. (Psalm 119:144) Father, I know your word is life, it is bread, it is sustenance. I want to live.
• My son, if you accept my words, and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you look for it as for silver, and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and the kowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:1-6) God, I accept your words, I turn my ear to you and want to apply my heart to understanding.  Givce me wisdom, knowledge of you.
• Let my cry come before you, Yahweh. Give me understanding according to your word. (Psalm 119:169)

Ran into this one too; awesome scripture. "and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability andknowledge in all kids of crafts--" Exodus 31: 1

Graduation:"I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you." -God

I can't sleep. Dear God I can't sleep. It's so annoying, so frustrating, but I have so much running thru my mind. I didn't even take a minute out this week to thank you, for graduating nine days ago. I mean, actually thank you-not just in passing, not just in word. After it was all said and done, you helped me get to the top of the tallest mountain of my past three years and I didn't even honor you. It makes me so ashamed.

 I'm sorry God. I'm sorry, it seems like its the theme of my life. It's so discouraging sometimes. But I am thankful God. I am thankful and I realize that it was you. That it was all you and I could not have done it without you. You were so faithful. I remember daydreaming about it for so long And you made my dream come true. Like you have done in so many other areas of my life. Thank you. I wasn't the most likely candidate; I had little going for me, but you made it possible. My God is strong, his power knows no bounds. Dear Lord, help me remember that. Help me remember this great accomplishment and the strength of your right hand from this point on also. Please direct me, thank you for how you've spoken today:

 "I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

I think I forgot that earlier today and yesterday, with this mess of job-searching and stuff. But thank you for reminding me. You will instruct me and teach me where to go. Thank you God. Thank you for watching over me. I love you my dearest Lord.

Seek me that you may live...

"For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel. Seek me that you may live." What a scripture. Dear Lord, I came across it today along with this one: "Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his face continually."

And this one, "But seek first his kingdom and his righeousness and all these things will be added to you."

And this one, "I rejoice in the following of your statutes as one rejoices in great riches."

So much time. We humans spend so much time seeking wealth, respect, education, jobs, money, approval, diversions. Oh God, that I would seek you. How stupid it all is, we spend so much time seeking after all these other things when all the goodness of life is found in you. Hidden in you. God I want to seek you. I want to rejoice in your voice, your word, your spirit more than I rejoice in the other things of this life that you have given me. And when it's all said and done, and I go on in this life, from day to day, I want to find you there too. In my daily life-in my work, in my school, in my marriage, in the way I eat and lie down. I want to follow your statutes with the things you give me.

Help me to find your joy as I do these things today.  That I would find your strength: the joy of the Lord in my daily walk!  Open my eyes to see the joy that you bring and the fullness of life that comes from doing your will. Today God. As I prepare for this last exam, in being a wife to my husband and a good friend to my best friend. Help me to find joy in whatever you bring my way today as I follow your statutes Lord.  And help me to hide the treasure of your kingdom deep in my heart.
Thank you for your word, it is a lamp unto my feet, but more than that, it's a compass that redirects my path when I start to veer off.

Pending Bible Studies

I don't really have much to write right now. I'm tired. Just tired. I'm also realizing that I'm having a hard time lifting my finals to you. I haven't prayed in a while, just been following this schedule like a bee. I haven't read my Bible in weeks either.  But today, I just had to take a minute. Got Jason Upton's song "In Your Presence" playing. The thought of you alone calms me Lord. Thank you. Anyways, I'm not really writing to blog right now. I just wanted to note down a couple of Bible study topics that have been itching at me for a while even though I can't really get into them right now. Either way, I wanted to write them down here so I can come back to it once finals end. God please give me the time, give me the discipline to make it a habit to study your word. That my excuse of finals right now doesn't turn into another excuse.

1. Deuteronomy-some hidden jewels in here it, Ch. 8 alone blew me away.
2. Matthew Bible Study w/ that new bible study Web site.
3. Faith-I'm all confused about what it means now that I saw that video on Faith Movement, IDK what i'm supposed to belive about the way you operate and what my role is in believing you.

Your Little Sheep

Hi Jesus! Long time no blog...thank God this time it hasn't meant long time no talk. I have been busy though. So busy. I'm starting to wonder if the rest of my life is going to be like this. Calendars and schedules and plans on and on and on. I'm tired, almost bone tired and I haven't even started the hard part.

There's so much going on right now Lord, exams, job search, bar prep, trials, etc. I'm glad because I'm not feeling overwhelmed or completely done in. I know it has to be your sustaining grace, but I am gettting tired. Funny, writing this now makes me remember that time a few semesters back when I told you the same thing. It was in my living room and I was trying to pray, but somehow I ended up crying about how exhausted I was. But you talked to me.  "Come to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden....I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" LRV. Talk about the word of God being sustaining. I experienced that wholeheartedly that night. Thank you God, thank you for that because you got me through.

Help me remember that tonight again, as I go and try to read your word and meditate on it...remind me of how good you are, of how wonderfully amazing and kind you are. Remind me that you do not give me more than I can bear and that you are my strength, that I can do all things in you; that you are greater than this world and the worries and tasks of this world.

Lord, but before I go. I want to lift my job before you. My job search. It's been hard to do with so much, and even though I'm trusting you, I'm afraid of worry creeping in. I'm afraid that I don't know my own weakeness and that at some point I'll start to freak out like everyone else who is graduating seems to do when it comes to looking for a job. But you are right, You ARE in me, the hope of glory. Amen. Yes, that's true. You are my hope of glory, the hope of glory in this career that you have given me for your name sake. And your perfect love casts out all my fears. I believe that, help me remember thatn and receive your perfect, complete, wholesome love so that I would not fear. So that I would stand steadfast and look to the mountains even in my valley and see your help. My help comes from you Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. The maker of the laws of this world. The most righteouts Judge, you God, and the most holy perfect advocate, Jesus.

I don't know what I want, what is best, what I should look for, where to apply. I really don't know much. There are so many voices, so many things out there. I feel a little lost sometimes. But right now as I write, I make the decision to trust you. To remember that you set a path before me, that you are lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. That you will direct me in the way I should go, that you will close doors and open doors that no man can shut. That you will crown me with glory. Amen. My heart trusts in you and I am helped. I love you Jesus. Please flood me with your peace, and lead me Lord. Lead me for I am the flock of your pasture. I am sheep, but I am your little sheep.

Doing the Work

A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace. Proverbs 10:5

• All the work of the field should be done in the season suitable to it. If summer and harvest be neglected, in vain does a man expect the fruits of autumn. -Clarke's Commentary.

Good morning Lord. Praised be your name forever and ever, you are such a wonderful and glorious God. Father, thank you for your words, because they are a lamp unto my feet, they guide me and cleanse me and fill my life. Please help me on this morning to harvest in this season of my life. While I am yet in my last semester of law school. Give me wisdom to see the importance of harvesting even on this last stretch. I'm tired, and weary of this work God, but I don't want to sleep and I don't want to be a disgrace to all that you've done thus far. I want to finish this race strong.

Help me today, in a very practical way. I need your help today, to finish this paper, to do what needs to be done. Please fill me with your spirit, with your strength and energy.

Your word and spirit re-energizes me because I know that with you, with My God, I can scale a mountain! I put my trust in you, that you are doing a good work in me and that you really do equip me for every good work.

I love you Lord. You are the light of my life, the salvation of my dreadful heart. I can do nothing without you; I am nothing without you. But with you, with you, I'm unstoppable. Amen! I praise you Jesus. You are the Lord of my life. I adore you and I submit this day to you.

If You Hear His Voice Today...

Somehow, I ended up here today. My scripture reading for today didn't really have anything to do with this, but here I am. I got here because she sent me a text and I didn't really want to answer it, but somehow, the thought crossed my mind to text her and tell her that I loved her. I don't want to. I want to harden my heart. I do God, I don't want to say anything to her and my heart is restless inside of me. I cringe at the thought of saying anything to her. But I know I can't do what I want; I love you and I have to obey. God help me. I want to know your ways. Give me a new heart, give me your mind Christ.

"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture, And the sheep of His hand. Today, if you will hear His voice: “Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion, As in the day of trial in the wilderness, When your fathers tested Me; They tried Me, though they saw My work. For forty years I was grieved with that generation, And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts, And they do not know My ways.’  So I swore in My wrath, ‘They shall not enter My rest.’ " Psalm 95 6-11

Your Answer

Hi God. I'm not proud of the way I've behaved. For the past two weeks, I've been doubting and feeding into my doubt. But, I've also been waiting. Waiting for you to speak, to bring some sense into this hazy cloud that seemed to have settled into my life. And finally I believe you did. I first heard you on a drive, to school.

 "Leydy, after everything I've just done. After the way you've experienced my power in these three years of law school, you still ask me to defend or explain my existence."

It was a funny, odd way to answer my question. But it was very effective. Truth is, these past years I've seen God's hand and experienced his miraculous power and sovereign grace like never before. I know I am here by your grace, God. I know everything I've done, I've done because you have sustained me.

Dust that I am, your answer didn't stick with me through the next wave of doubt. And so for another week or so, I forgot or refused to accept that it could have been you talking to me that way. Until my conversation with Venise a few days ago outside of school.

We'd been talking for about an hour about so many things, law, faith, justice...alll that. I spoke to her with so much convictionaabout you and what I beliee you desire, that at some point I paused and had to confess my most recent struggle with doubt. I told her about my parent's situation, my questions, my confusion.  And she told me about the ebbs and flow. The highs and the lows of this Christian walk. She remembered reading about it in C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters.  As she spoke, I realized that even though my brother's theory sounded plausible, I did believe that you have made the highs in their marriage higher and the lows not quite as low as they were before.  I chose to believe that this hardship, this trial for the past 20-30 years, has been a reflection that your grace is sufficient for them as it  was for Paul. I chose to believe that you've made them stronger, drawn them nearer to you.

Arrogant Pharisee that I am, I also remembered my time dating David...so many times we messed up, and everytime I thought "Surely God's hand is strong enough to keep me from falling again." But sure enough, I often did fall again. And again, you forgave me and drew me closer. Through it, I considered myself a Christian even though the battle was so hard and often times I would lose. And I still believed in you; I believed that you were greater, that you were a God of forgiveness and love and grace. Today, I see that it was true.  Today, because I stand by your grace and am married to the one I didn't even deserve. Who am I to say that they're not Christians? I've been there, struggled and fought and fell over and over and over again. Yet, my salvation was not less.

God, please help me not forget your words this time. Cement and confirm them God. I forget so easily, and doubt seeks to assail me every minute. I love you, I choose to believe that you are a just God, that you are a powerful God. I accept that life is not black and white, that you don't fit in a box, that it isn't always A or B, that I can't figure everything out. I accept that my thoughts are not as high as yours, that I am the clay and you are the potter.  Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?

Do Not Judge?

I woke up to Matthew 7:1. You brought her to my mind and made me face it. I didn't want to and I still feel like part of me wants to struggle with it, but I want to submit to you. The verse as I read it said this:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged. and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye."

And I started thinking of all the times, I have been unfaithful in my own heart; looked at another man, acted too friendly; and before I was married, I even actually allowed another to kiss me. It hurts me to even write it. I didn't understand it at the time, and I still don't. I don't understand how or why I could have ever done that. It wasn't me, it didn't align with what I thought of myself, but anyways, I did it. And so, just because I have not been unfaithful in my marriage, it doesn't mean, I can rightly judge another woman who has.  God. Your words are harsh.  But they make sense.

And then I started wondering what you mean by judge; there's so much controversy in the Christian world about whether we're supposed to judge or not. I started looking up all the passages with the word "judge" in it; and though I only used the Thompson word reference, I think there's a common thread. YOU are the judger of men's hearts. You alone can judge men. We can judge their acts, determine whether the things they do, the things they believe are wrong or right, but we cannot judge the person. We can even say what John is doing is wrong, but I don't know that we cans say John is wrong. Can we? It seems to me that this is why you are God because you alone are righteous and you alone can judge unrighteousness:

" For he has set a day when he will jduge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead" Acts 17:31; and

"On the day, when according to my gospel [why does he say my gospel? makes me uncomfortable], God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus."

"For not even the Father judges anyone, but he has given all judgment to the son."  Romans 2:16

"I said to myself, "God will judge both the righteoust man and the wicked man." for a time for every matter and for every deed is there" Ecclesiastes 3:17

"You, then, why do you judge your brother? OR why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat." Romans 14:10

I think there's also a difference between judging and discerning. For example, we're probably supposed to say whether the gospel that someone preache is right or wrong, or whether that person is a prophet of God--but I think this is having discernment, not judging.

It seems to me, that instead of judging persons--which we can't do anyways, because we are not righteous ourselves to do it. We are just supposed to follow your biggest command--love your neighbor. That doesn't mean that we can't have discernment about spirits, or doctrine or right and wrong actions of people, but I don't think we can judge the person. That's what Jesus is for.

I think this is what you are saying....? I'l have to study it further.

Learning to Love the Sovereignty of God

Good night Lord. It's been an interesting day...I've been thinking about you so much. And even though that makes me happy, I can't say I'm really proud of myself. Sometimes when I get like this, I have such a hard time concentrating and staying on task at everyday life things like my work at the office. Today it was you, on my mind...so much. And then it was this new blog thing I've gotten into my head. I just keep wanting to find a diary. Someone's diary, but not just anybody. I want to read and see into the heart and mind of a woman who loves you , and lives out your word everyday...I guess I kind of just want it for inspiration. To know that it's really possible.  (that was part of the reason I started this blog when I didn't find anything, knowing and feeling, all the while, that I probably wasn't that woman yet but aspiring that one day, as months and years went by I would start to read the difference in my entries as I grew into that woman) Anyways, I don't know what to do with myself when I get like this; it's kind of frustrating because I feel super-spiritual all day and while that's good, it shows me how un-spiritual (if there is such a thing) I am most days. Basically,I just haven't figured out this walking with God daily thing, the praying without ceasing...sometimes it seems more like its a day on and a day off for me sometimes...Give me balance God.

So, what is it that I've been thinking about you exactly? Well, after watching that Justin Peter's A Call for Discernment video the other day (disc if anyone actually reads this blog: not a 100% advocate of everything on there...but a lot is really good stuff), a lot of things kind of started to click, or in the very least a lot of things started to just kind of come forward in a new way for me. You know me Lord, I've never really been a big Prosperity Movement kind of person; you've given me that grace, and really I just want money to give it all away. But, I have been a big Miracles and Wonders believer. And I still am, because I do believe you are a God of Miracles and Wonders, but now I am looking a little closer at it all and one of the things he said stuck with me:

 He said that a lot of these people who area all about miracles and healings and supernatural movements of God claim that part of the reason they are such strong advocates of these things is because these things show the glory of God--they in a sense add weight and value to the Christian message.  But this is wrong! he says. The message of Christ, the Gospel itself is the power of God...the GOSPEL is what brings salvation to everyone who believes. Your gospel is the power..not the healings or the blessings or the wealth...your sacrifice and your saving grace THAT IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.  Even if God were to stop healing people (which he doesn't ) and the whole world was wrecked in poverty (a lot of it is), your Good News would still be the saving grace of men (Earth to L.S.R: this is probably why there are so many scriptures about how "love is the greatest of all these things," about how "nothing can separate us from the love of Christ") Your love, the love you showed on the cross and the power of your love; that is the only saving grace.

That is some powerful stuff God. I don't know if I've been fully aware of it! It seems like I've always been one of those Christians hungry for an outpouring of your spirit, a pillar of fire, miraculous healings...etc. And not that anything is wrong with that, but I'm wondering how much of my prayers have been consumed with this; I'm wondering how much of my life I may have used up on prayers for miracles and healings and all of that instead of just worship, or learning new ways of worship, or maybe even just friendship. I don't know, I'd like to think that not too many because I truly love you Lord, but all the same: it's liberating. It's liberating to know that I can love you; unconditionally-that this is actually what it's all about, always. That I don't have to feel disappointed or feel the need  to justify and make sense of the times when it seems like you don't come through in the way I thought you would, or even when you don't act. In the end it doesn't matter.What matters is that I love you, and you saved me. And that you're sovereign.

Will You Discredit My Justice?

No, God I won't. I hear your voice God. I hear you. My experience these past three years, the ebb and flow, the thorn on the side, your grace is sufficient, and Job. Yes, God I hear you. And I submit to you. I believe you. And I love you. How I love you. I love you even if I don't quite understand completely. Even if I see thru a mirror darkly now.
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Be like the great George Mueller of Bristol England. On the Lord's Day, February 6, 1870, his wife Mary died of rheumatic fever. They had been married 39 years and 4 months. The Lord gave him the strength to preach at her memorial service. He said,

I miss her in numberless ways, and shall miss her yet more and more. But as a child of God, and as a servant of the Lord Jesus, I bow, I am satisfied with the will of my Heavenly Father, I seek by perfect submission to His holy will to glorify Him, I kiss continually the hand that has thus afflicted me.

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

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Gifts for God?

The gifts are intensifiers of desire for Christ himself in much the same way that fasting is. When you give a gift to Christ like this, it's a way of saying, "The joy that I pursue (verse 10!) is not the hope of getting rich with things from you. I have not come to you for your things, but for yourself. And this desire I now intensify and demonstrate by giving up things, in the hope of enjoying you more, not things. By giving to you what you do not need, and what I might enjoy, I am saying more earnestly and more authentically, 'You are my treasure, not these things.'" I think that's what it means to worship God with gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh.

~By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

Awesome insight. God, I want to be better at fasting and at laying down my treasures before you. All of them, everything you've given me. How I love you. How I adore you my Jesus.

Psalm 119 for David

I am remembering your promises..Your Word does not come back void....Faith comes through hearing your word.. I proclaim each and everyone of those over David.  And Psalm 119...Oh God, that 119 would become his lifesong:

"Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all his heart..." This is David. In Jesus name, this will be David.

"Oh that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands..." David will learn steadfastness in you, Jesus. You will finish your mighty work in him, and he will not be put to shame: he will see the salvation of the Lord.

"I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free." God set him free to run after you, to run and glide on your promises to run after you. Set him free from fear of man, from fear of failure from fear of the future, all fears!

"Give me understanding and I will keep you law and obey it with all my heart." God turn his heart to you, open his spiritual eyes, his understanding to your word. Fill him with understanding.

And finally, one of my strongest, most resonating prayers for him....

"Turn my eyes away from worthless things, preserve my life according to our word." In the name of Jesus, I proclaim that every, every idol will be torn down, everything that takes from his time with you, from his attention to you WILL NO LONGER BE. I proclaim that he will, turn his eyes from every worthless things and to you.

Yet I Will Rejoice in The Lord...

K, so I'm back. I keep remembering this verse I read a few days ago. It attached to my heart and I can't quite seem to shake it off.. Even while I try to read the chapters assigned to my reading plan, Habakkuk 3:17 just keeps coming to mind. It's just so beautiful.

Though the fig tree should not blossom.
Nor fruit be on the vine.
 Though the produce of the olive fail.
And the fields yield no food.
Though the flock be cut off from the fold.
Though there be no herd in the stalls;
yet I will rejoice in the Lord.
 I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength.
He makes my feet like the deer's.
He makes me tread on my highplaces.

The last verse is the clincher. I WILL TAKE JOY IN THE GOD OF MY SALVATION. That pretty much sums it up for me. I will take joy in you Lord; I want to be that person who takes joy in you and everything else is just extra. Help me take joy in you, make me take joy in you God. Show me your greatness, remind me of your awesome glory and neverending love so that no matter what happens in my life, no matter whether I have a groundbreaking quiet time or not, no matter whether David is being sweet, no matter how overwhelmed I am with work, how scared I may feel at points about everything I'm gonna do this semester...I can take joy in you and remember that YOU, YOU ALONE are my strength. And with you, I will tread on highplaces no matter what life looks like, no matter my circumstances or what I see. I have you and that is my highplace. Always.

Bible Reading.. Doesn't Feel Like Revelation Today...

Not sure I know what to get from my reading today. In Mattew 1, I read about how Mary became pregnant while engaged to Joseph and of how the Holy Spirit told Joseph not to leave her because the baby in  her womb had been conceived by the Holy Spirit. Later on, in Acts Ch. 1, I read about how the disciples decided who would be Judas' successor by drawing straws.

In reading Matthew, I know i'm missing a lot.  A lot of the shock and emotion that Mary and Joseph must have both felt. The story reads a lot more plainly than it could have happened and I have trouble grasping the significance of it.

In reading Acts, I started to think about the whole practice of casting lots.  It would be a lot easier if I could just cast lots for major decisions in my life like the apostles did; I almost decided to start doing this as practice.  Then I researched the topi a bit and found some debate on whether this was good practice today or not; the gist of the argument against it was that we have the Holy Spirit and the word of God which abides in us so we no longer need to cast lots. Sounded like a valid point, but I'm still not sure it completely does away with the possibility that casting lots is a good idea. I think I'll just wait till I read more in Acts to see how the apostles made their decision after the day of pentecost.

So...that's that. I'm a little restless and frustrated because I feel like I'm not getting enough out of the scriptures. I keep thinking there's more, some hidden treasure in what I'm reading, but so far I haven't had any major eureka. So, God, what do you want me to do with this quiet time today? Should I keep reading, keep researching, should I worship, should I just stay quiet, is there something you wnat to tell me? I don't know. I'm not sure. But I don't want to come out the same as I came in. Can you fill me please? Revive your Holy Spirit within me today?

Promises for David

"Mas alabase en esto el que se hubiere de alabar: en entenderme y conocerme, que yo soy Jehova, que hago misericordia, juicio y justicia en la tierra; porque estas cosas quiero." Jeremiah 9:24

"Porque yo se los pensamientos que tengo acerca de vosotros, dice Jehova, pensaminetos de paz, y no de mal, para daros el fin que esperais." Jeremiah 29:11

" God, the one and only--I'll wait as long as he says. Everything I need comes from him, so why not? He's solid rock under my feet. Breathing room for my soul. An impregnable castle: I'm set for life...My help and glory are in God. Granite-srength and safe-harbor God. So trust in him absolutely people. Lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be...God said this once and for all; how many times have I heard it repeated? 'Strength comes straight from God.'" Psalm 62:5-8, 11-12

"'Test me in this,'" says the LORD Almighty, 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.'" Malachi 3:10

Dear God these are my prayers today and for always for David. Lord would you please reveal yourself to him? Can you please put a passion in his heart to seek you, to know you. Burn him up with passion for you. Fill his heart with longing, fill his mind with thoughts of you. God find him in dreams, in visions, in words, at work, through friends, through me. Surround him and open his heart to you. Open his eyes to you dear God. God make this true in his life; that if he were to boast in anything it be the fact that he knows you and walks with you in communion as a friend. Daddy, teach him how to be your close friend everyday. To speak to you as a friend. To communicate with you daily.

Reveal to him that you are good, that you are faithful and grant the desires of his heart. Teach him to wait on you, God. I ask that he would he learn to wait on you with full assurance of your goodness and provision. Father give him paitence as he waits. Increase his faith in you. Give him peace and security in you and who you are Father. Cover him, fill him.

Thank you for the promise that you revealed to me today. I know your word is for him; you have good plans, good thoughts towards him, but most amazing of all, you have plans to give him the end that he expects. The end that he has waited on for so long.  I believe in my heart that it will not be for naught. I believe that you will pour out blessings in overabundance.

I receive your word for my husband and also for me and our children. For my entire household God. We will live lives that test you, lives of faithfullness in tithing, in finances, in devotion and dedication to you. And we will see you pour out blessings in overabundance. So much blessing that we will NOT have room to contain them and will share and spread them to those around us. I receive you word God. And I say yes, I say amen. I do believe.

Doubt On the Eve of A New Year--Not Good.

Happy New Year to me! Yay! and to you God, though I don't know if you celebrate new years. I'm a little worried. It wasn't the most exhilarating and inspring start to the year. I feel a little bad even talking about anything because I know my new year's was a lot better than many other people's. But I am a little scared God. I'm questioning things and don't know how to go about getting answers from you.

My mom, my dad. That's the problem. I just don't understand how it's possible to be a Christian and to speak your word and do so many things in your name's sake, yet still live in total discord and disunion and bickering for more than 25 years. Are you in the mix? If so, why haven't you answered my prayers, mine and my brother's and caused a miracle to happen. Yeah, I've heard the theory about how you don't force someone to change, about how you will only work if someone allows you to, but can that really be it? I mean, I've prayed for so many years, my brother cried so much when he was little....where is your redeeming power God? Lord, I love you, I'm sorry to be talking like this. It hurts me. But it's all in my mind, and not speaking has not made any of it go away.

And if the issue is that they don't allow you to change them, then how can they be Christians? I know change is slow, and progress is slow, and none of us are perfect, but God, your word says that you make us new. That we are transformed from glory to glory. Where is that in them? And if the answer is that they're not really Christians, then how is it that you still support them...how is it that they pray and seek you,....how is it that the church is now growing...how is it that my older brother appears to have changed so much and awakened spiritually while under their pastoring.

Myl little brother's theory really messed me up. According to him, this is how the cycle goes: A "miracle" happens because my mom decides to stay silent and say ok to anything and everything my dad says for awhile. She does this for a couple of months, but then gets fed up and starts bickering and blows up at him when he doesn't appear to change his ways. Afterwards, all the pent-up anger and bitterness boils over and translates to recriminations, etc.

I really did believe that it was you who'd done the miracle. But I'm not sure anymore because they seem to be right back where they started.

And so there God. I brought my worries to you with prayer and supplication. My supplication is that you would answer me please. I don't want to doubt but it doesn't make sense. I'm trying to fast today, Ann and I agreed to be fasting for David. I know I haven't been pulling my weight as a wife and so I wanted to pray and fast for him today;  I just didn't know how to pray when I'm experiencing so much doubt. I'm gonna try anyways and trust that your grace is sufficient for me and that you will bring peace and clarity to my spirit. I love you God, above all, I love you. And I'm in it for good. I will wait on you because even though none of this makes sense, YOU make sense. You have shown yourself to be true in my life. In the world around me so many times. And so even though my faith is weak right now, and I feel a little lost, I trust that you are my shepherd and I will hear your loving voice.