Doing the Work

A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace. Proverbs 10:5

• All the work of the field should be done in the season suitable to it. If summer and harvest be neglected, in vain does a man expect the fruits of autumn. -Clarke's Commentary.

Good morning Lord. Praised be your name forever and ever, you are such a wonderful and glorious God. Father, thank you for your words, because they are a lamp unto my feet, they guide me and cleanse me and fill my life. Please help me on this morning to harvest in this season of my life. While I am yet in my last semester of law school. Give me wisdom to see the importance of harvesting even on this last stretch. I'm tired, and weary of this work God, but I don't want to sleep and I don't want to be a disgrace to all that you've done thus far. I want to finish this race strong.

Help me today, in a very practical way. I need your help today, to finish this paper, to do what needs to be done. Please fill me with your spirit, with your strength and energy.

Your word and spirit re-energizes me because I know that with you, with My God, I can scale a mountain! I put my trust in you, that you are doing a good work in me and that you really do equip me for every good work.

I love you Lord. You are the light of my life, the salvation of my dreadful heart. I can do nothing without you; I am nothing without you. But with you, with you, I'm unstoppable. Amen! I praise you Jesus. You are the Lord of my life. I adore you and I submit this day to you.

If You Hear His Voice Today...

Somehow, I ended up here today. My scripture reading for today didn't really have anything to do with this, but here I am. I got here because she sent me a text and I didn't really want to answer it, but somehow, the thought crossed my mind to text her and tell her that I loved her. I don't want to. I want to harden my heart. I do God, I don't want to say anything to her and my heart is restless inside of me. I cringe at the thought of saying anything to her. But I know I can't do what I want; I love you and I have to obey. God help me. I want to know your ways. Give me a new heart, give me your mind Christ.

"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture, And the sheep of His hand. Today, if you will hear His voice: “Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion, As in the day of trial in the wilderness, When your fathers tested Me; They tried Me, though they saw My work. For forty years I was grieved with that generation, And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts, And they do not know My ways.’  So I swore in My wrath, ‘They shall not enter My rest.’ " Psalm 95 6-11

Your Answer

Hi God. I'm not proud of the way I've behaved. For the past two weeks, I've been doubting and feeding into my doubt. But, I've also been waiting. Waiting for you to speak, to bring some sense into this hazy cloud that seemed to have settled into my life. And finally I believe you did. I first heard you on a drive, to school.

 "Leydy, after everything I've just done. After the way you've experienced my power in these three years of law school, you still ask me to defend or explain my existence."

It was a funny, odd way to answer my question. But it was very effective. Truth is, these past years I've seen God's hand and experienced his miraculous power and sovereign grace like never before. I know I am here by your grace, God. I know everything I've done, I've done because you have sustained me.

Dust that I am, your answer didn't stick with me through the next wave of doubt. And so for another week or so, I forgot or refused to accept that it could have been you talking to me that way. Until my conversation with Venise a few days ago outside of school.

We'd been talking for about an hour about so many things, law, faith, justice...alll that. I spoke to her with so much convictionaabout you and what I beliee you desire, that at some point I paused and had to confess my most recent struggle with doubt. I told her about my parent's situation, my questions, my confusion.  And she told me about the ebbs and flow. The highs and the lows of this Christian walk. She remembered reading about it in C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters.  As she spoke, I realized that even though my brother's theory sounded plausible, I did believe that you have made the highs in their marriage higher and the lows not quite as low as they were before.  I chose to believe that this hardship, this trial for the past 20-30 years, has been a reflection that your grace is sufficient for them as it  was for Paul. I chose to believe that you've made them stronger, drawn them nearer to you.

Arrogant Pharisee that I am, I also remembered my time dating David...so many times we messed up, and everytime I thought "Surely God's hand is strong enough to keep me from falling again." But sure enough, I often did fall again. And again, you forgave me and drew me closer. Through it, I considered myself a Christian even though the battle was so hard and often times I would lose. And I still believed in you; I believed that you were greater, that you were a God of forgiveness and love and grace. Today, I see that it was true.  Today, because I stand by your grace and am married to the one I didn't even deserve. Who am I to say that they're not Christians? I've been there, struggled and fought and fell over and over and over again. Yet, my salvation was not less.

God, please help me not forget your words this time. Cement and confirm them God. I forget so easily, and doubt seeks to assail me every minute. I love you, I choose to believe that you are a just God, that you are a powerful God. I accept that life is not black and white, that you don't fit in a box, that it isn't always A or B, that I can't figure everything out. I accept that my thoughts are not as high as yours, that I am the clay and you are the potter.  Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?

Do Not Judge?

I woke up to Matthew 7:1. You brought her to my mind and made me face it. I didn't want to and I still feel like part of me wants to struggle with it, but I want to submit to you. The verse as I read it said this:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged. and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye."

And I started thinking of all the times, I have been unfaithful in my own heart; looked at another man, acted too friendly; and before I was married, I even actually allowed another to kiss me. It hurts me to even write it. I didn't understand it at the time, and I still don't. I don't understand how or why I could have ever done that. It wasn't me, it didn't align with what I thought of myself, but anyways, I did it. And so, just because I have not been unfaithful in my marriage, it doesn't mean, I can rightly judge another woman who has.  God. Your words are harsh.  But they make sense.

And then I started wondering what you mean by judge; there's so much controversy in the Christian world about whether we're supposed to judge or not. I started looking up all the passages with the word "judge" in it; and though I only used the Thompson word reference, I think there's a common thread. YOU are the judger of men's hearts. You alone can judge men. We can judge their acts, determine whether the things they do, the things they believe are wrong or right, but we cannot judge the person. We can even say what John is doing is wrong, but I don't know that we cans say John is wrong. Can we? It seems to me that this is why you are God because you alone are righteous and you alone can judge unrighteousness:

" For he has set a day when he will jduge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead" Acts 17:31; and

"On the day, when according to my gospel [why does he say my gospel? makes me uncomfortable], God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus."

"For not even the Father judges anyone, but he has given all judgment to the son."  Romans 2:16

"I said to myself, "God will judge both the righteoust man and the wicked man." for a time for every matter and for every deed is there" Ecclesiastes 3:17

"You, then, why do you judge your brother? OR why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat." Romans 14:10

I think there's also a difference between judging and discerning. For example, we're probably supposed to say whether the gospel that someone preache is right or wrong, or whether that person is a prophet of God--but I think this is having discernment, not judging.

It seems to me, that instead of judging persons--which we can't do anyways, because we are not righteous ourselves to do it. We are just supposed to follow your biggest command--love your neighbor. That doesn't mean that we can't have discernment about spirits, or doctrine or right and wrong actions of people, but I don't think we can judge the person. That's what Jesus is for.

I think this is what you are saying....? I'l have to study it further.

Learning to Love the Sovereignty of God

Good night Lord. It's been an interesting day...I've been thinking about you so much. And even though that makes me happy, I can't say I'm really proud of myself. Sometimes when I get like this, I have such a hard time concentrating and staying on task at everyday life things like my work at the office. Today it was you, on my mind...so much. And then it was this new blog thing I've gotten into my head. I just keep wanting to find a diary. Someone's diary, but not just anybody. I want to read and see into the heart and mind of a woman who loves you , and lives out your word everyday...I guess I kind of just want it for inspiration. To know that it's really possible.  (that was part of the reason I started this blog when I didn't find anything, knowing and feeling, all the while, that I probably wasn't that woman yet but aspiring that one day, as months and years went by I would start to read the difference in my entries as I grew into that woman) Anyways, I don't know what to do with myself when I get like this; it's kind of frustrating because I feel super-spiritual all day and while that's good, it shows me how un-spiritual (if there is such a thing) I am most days. Basically,I just haven't figured out this walking with God daily thing, the praying without ceasing...sometimes it seems more like its a day on and a day off for me sometimes...Give me balance God.

So, what is it that I've been thinking about you exactly? Well, after watching that Justin Peter's A Call for Discernment video the other day (disc if anyone actually reads this blog: not a 100% advocate of everything on there...but a lot is really good stuff), a lot of things kind of started to click, or in the very least a lot of things started to just kind of come forward in a new way for me. You know me Lord, I've never really been a big Prosperity Movement kind of person; you've given me that grace, and really I just want money to give it all away. But, I have been a big Miracles and Wonders believer. And I still am, because I do believe you are a God of Miracles and Wonders, but now I am looking a little closer at it all and one of the things he said stuck with me:

 He said that a lot of these people who area all about miracles and healings and supernatural movements of God claim that part of the reason they are such strong advocates of these things is because these things show the glory of God--they in a sense add weight and value to the Christian message.  But this is wrong! he says. The message of Christ, the Gospel itself is the power of God...the GOSPEL is what brings salvation to everyone who believes. Your gospel is the power..not the healings or the blessings or the wealth...your sacrifice and your saving grace THAT IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.  Even if God were to stop healing people (which he doesn't ) and the whole world was wrecked in poverty (a lot of it is), your Good News would still be the saving grace of men (Earth to L.S.R: this is probably why there are so many scriptures about how "love is the greatest of all these things," about how "nothing can separate us from the love of Christ") Your love, the love you showed on the cross and the power of your love; that is the only saving grace.

That is some powerful stuff God. I don't know if I've been fully aware of it! It seems like I've always been one of those Christians hungry for an outpouring of your spirit, a pillar of fire, miraculous healings...etc. And not that anything is wrong with that, but I'm wondering how much of my prayers have been consumed with this; I'm wondering how much of my life I may have used up on prayers for miracles and healings and all of that instead of just worship, or learning new ways of worship, or maybe even just friendship. I don't know, I'd like to think that not too many because I truly love you Lord, but all the same: it's liberating. It's liberating to know that I can love you; unconditionally-that this is actually what it's all about, always. That I don't have to feel disappointed or feel the need  to justify and make sense of the times when it seems like you don't come through in the way I thought you would, or even when you don't act. In the end it doesn't matter.What matters is that I love you, and you saved me. And that you're sovereign.