I Want Understanding

Dear Lord, I am getting so frustrated. Lately I've been having this persistent desire to really, really study your word. I am so tired of just accepting what people say, of hearing the incessant debates about scripture interpretation and application without really knowing what's true. On top of that, I keep thinking of all the verses that say that we are to study your word. But I don't even know where to begin. Everytime I try to do it, I get bogged down by controversy and disputes in the text. Today's reading of Matthew 1 is an example; I never knew the  reference to Isaiah 7:14 of Jesus' virgin birth had caused so much discord.  But in all honesty, it is onfusing to me. Isaisah 7:14 is talking about a child who learnd right from wrong. But Jesus knew no wrong, he was sinless! So how do I make sense of it all? God, please, please, keep me from inerrant doctrine. Keep me from bogus claims. Lead me in your truth, teach me your word God. I want  want to hide your words in my heart and I want to understand your precepts and follow them. Here is my request of you Lord, according to your word:

• Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. (Luke 24:45) God open my mind.
• Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this. (2 Timothy 2:7) Give me insight, help  me to reflect please.
• They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving meaning so that the people could understand what was being read. Show me the meaning of your word so that I can understand it.
• My heart will utter words of wisdom. My heart shall utter understanding." (Psalm 49:3) Let my heart be filled with wisdom and understanding of your ways.
• Give me understanding and I will keep your law. Yes, I will obey it with all my heart. (Psalms 119:34) Father, I want to know you so that I can honor you.
• Your testimonies are righteous forever. Give me understanding that I may live. (Psalm 119:144) Father, I know your word is life, it is bread, it is sustenance. I want to live.
• My son, if you accept my words, and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you look for it as for silver, and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and the kowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:1-6) God, I accept your words, I turn my ear to you and want to apply my heart to understanding.  Givce me wisdom, knowledge of you.
• Let my cry come before you, Yahweh. Give me understanding according to your word. (Psalm 119:169)

Ran into this one too; awesome scripture. "and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability andknowledge in all kids of crafts--" Exodus 31: 1

Graduation:"I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you." -God

I can't sleep. Dear God I can't sleep. It's so annoying, so frustrating, but I have so much running thru my mind. I didn't even take a minute out this week to thank you, for graduating nine days ago. I mean, actually thank you-not just in passing, not just in word. After it was all said and done, you helped me get to the top of the tallest mountain of my past three years and I didn't even honor you. It makes me so ashamed.

 I'm sorry God. I'm sorry, it seems like its the theme of my life. It's so discouraging sometimes. But I am thankful God. I am thankful and I realize that it was you. That it was all you and I could not have done it without you. You were so faithful. I remember daydreaming about it for so long And you made my dream come true. Like you have done in so many other areas of my life. Thank you. I wasn't the most likely candidate; I had little going for me, but you made it possible. My God is strong, his power knows no bounds. Dear Lord, help me remember that. Help me remember this great accomplishment and the strength of your right hand from this point on also. Please direct me, thank you for how you've spoken today:

 "I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

I think I forgot that earlier today and yesterday, with this mess of job-searching and stuff. But thank you for reminding me. You will instruct me and teach me where to go. Thank you God. Thank you for watching over me. I love you my dearest Lord.

Seek me that you may live...

"For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel. Seek me that you may live." What a scripture. Dear Lord, I came across it today along with this one: "Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his face continually."

And this one, "But seek first his kingdom and his righeousness and all these things will be added to you."

And this one, "I rejoice in the following of your statutes as one rejoices in great riches."

So much time. We humans spend so much time seeking wealth, respect, education, jobs, money, approval, diversions. Oh God, that I would seek you. How stupid it all is, we spend so much time seeking after all these other things when all the goodness of life is found in you. Hidden in you. God I want to seek you. I want to rejoice in your voice, your word, your spirit more than I rejoice in the other things of this life that you have given me. And when it's all said and done, and I go on in this life, from day to day, I want to find you there too. In my daily life-in my work, in my school, in my marriage, in the way I eat and lie down. I want to follow your statutes with the things you give me.

Help me to find your joy as I do these things today.  That I would find your strength: the joy of the Lord in my daily walk!  Open my eyes to see the joy that you bring and the fullness of life that comes from doing your will. Today God. As I prepare for this last exam, in being a wife to my husband and a good friend to my best friend. Help me to find joy in whatever you bring my way today as I follow your statutes Lord.  And help me to hide the treasure of your kingdom deep in my heart.
Thank you for your word, it is a lamp unto my feet, but more than that, it's a compass that redirects my path when I start to veer off.

Pending Bible Studies

I don't really have much to write right now. I'm tired. Just tired. I'm also realizing that I'm having a hard time lifting my finals to you. I haven't prayed in a while, just been following this schedule like a bee. I haven't read my Bible in weeks either.  But today, I just had to take a minute. Got Jason Upton's song "In Your Presence" playing. The thought of you alone calms me Lord. Thank you. Anyways, I'm not really writing to blog right now. I just wanted to note down a couple of Bible study topics that have been itching at me for a while even though I can't really get into them right now. Either way, I wanted to write them down here so I can come back to it once finals end. God please give me the time, give me the discipline to make it a habit to study your word. That my excuse of finals right now doesn't turn into another excuse.

1. Deuteronomy-some hidden jewels in here it, Ch. 8 alone blew me away.
2. Matthew Bible Study w/ that new bible study Web site.
3. Faith-I'm all confused about what it means now that I saw that video on Faith Movement, IDK what i'm supposed to belive about the way you operate and what my role is in believing you.

Your Little Sheep

Hi Jesus! Long time no blog...thank God this time it hasn't meant long time no talk. I have been busy though. So busy. I'm starting to wonder if the rest of my life is going to be like this. Calendars and schedules and plans on and on and on. I'm tired, almost bone tired and I haven't even started the hard part.

There's so much going on right now Lord, exams, job search, bar prep, trials, etc. I'm glad because I'm not feeling overwhelmed or completely done in. I know it has to be your sustaining grace, but I am gettting tired. Funny, writing this now makes me remember that time a few semesters back when I told you the same thing. It was in my living room and I was trying to pray, but somehow I ended up crying about how exhausted I was. But you talked to me.  "Come to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden....I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" LRV. Talk about the word of God being sustaining. I experienced that wholeheartedly that night. Thank you God, thank you for that because you got me through.

Help me remember that tonight again, as I go and try to read your word and meditate on it...remind me of how good you are, of how wonderfully amazing and kind you are. Remind me that you do not give me more than I can bear and that you are my strength, that I can do all things in you; that you are greater than this world and the worries and tasks of this world.

Lord, but before I go. I want to lift my job before you. My job search. It's been hard to do with so much, and even though I'm trusting you, I'm afraid of worry creeping in. I'm afraid that I don't know my own weakeness and that at some point I'll start to freak out like everyone else who is graduating seems to do when it comes to looking for a job. But you are right, You ARE in me, the hope of glory. Amen. Yes, that's true. You are my hope of glory, the hope of glory in this career that you have given me for your name sake. And your perfect love casts out all my fears. I believe that, help me remember thatn and receive your perfect, complete, wholesome love so that I would not fear. So that I would stand steadfast and look to the mountains even in my valley and see your help. My help comes from you Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. The maker of the laws of this world. The most righteouts Judge, you God, and the most holy perfect advocate, Jesus.

I don't know what I want, what is best, what I should look for, where to apply. I really don't know much. There are so many voices, so many things out there. I feel a little lost sometimes. But right now as I write, I make the decision to trust you. To remember that you set a path before me, that you are lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. That you will direct me in the way I should go, that you will close doors and open doors that no man can shut. That you will crown me with glory. Amen. My heart trusts in you and I am helped. I love you Jesus. Please flood me with your peace, and lead me Lord. Lead me for I am the flock of your pasture. I am sheep, but I am your little sheep.

Doing the Work

A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace. Proverbs 10:5

• All the work of the field should be done in the season suitable to it. If summer and harvest be neglected, in vain does a man expect the fruits of autumn. -Clarke's Commentary.

Good morning Lord. Praised be your name forever and ever, you are such a wonderful and glorious God. Father, thank you for your words, because they are a lamp unto my feet, they guide me and cleanse me and fill my life. Please help me on this morning to harvest in this season of my life. While I am yet in my last semester of law school. Give me wisdom to see the importance of harvesting even on this last stretch. I'm tired, and weary of this work God, but I don't want to sleep and I don't want to be a disgrace to all that you've done thus far. I want to finish this race strong.

Help me today, in a very practical way. I need your help today, to finish this paper, to do what needs to be done. Please fill me with your spirit, with your strength and energy.

Your word and spirit re-energizes me because I know that with you, with My God, I can scale a mountain! I put my trust in you, that you are doing a good work in me and that you really do equip me for every good work.

I love you Lord. You are the light of my life, the salvation of my dreadful heart. I can do nothing without you; I am nothing without you. But with you, with you, I'm unstoppable. Amen! I praise you Jesus. You are the Lord of my life. I adore you and I submit this day to you.

If You Hear His Voice Today...

Somehow, I ended up here today. My scripture reading for today didn't really have anything to do with this, but here I am. I got here because she sent me a text and I didn't really want to answer it, but somehow, the thought crossed my mind to text her and tell her that I loved her. I don't want to. I want to harden my heart. I do God, I don't want to say anything to her and my heart is restless inside of me. I cringe at the thought of saying anything to her. But I know I can't do what I want; I love you and I have to obey. God help me. I want to know your ways. Give me a new heart, give me your mind Christ.

"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture, And the sheep of His hand. Today, if you will hear His voice: “Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion, As in the day of trial in the wilderness, When your fathers tested Me; They tried Me, though they saw My work. For forty years I was grieved with that generation, And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts, And they do not know My ways.’  So I swore in My wrath, ‘They shall not enter My rest.’ " Psalm 95 6-11