The Bar

Oh Dear Lord. Where to begin. I don't know. I have this huge mountain in front of me, and it looms so big. Please put David's words deep in my heart, "With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall.", I don't know how I can do it, don't know how other people do it. I can only trust that you, my God, my hope of Glory will do. That you will do as you've done these past three years, you've amazed me in so many ways.  God and you've been good, remind me. Remind me of all the funny little stories of how you provided and came through. Like that semester when I was getting married right after finals, or the time I freaked out about applying to Fort Pierce and Orlando and being so scared that the timing would be off and I wouldn't get that job in Orlando. And what did you do? You showed me. I wonder what you were thinking that day I was freaking out and scared, you probably remembered that I was made of dust and had compassion on me even in my obtuseness. Thank you Lord. And you will come through again, your hand is not shortened. Thank you for your word God, and thank you for Vanessa and this scripture.

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
⁶ Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!

Dear God, do this for David. Give him this communion, this assurance that you give me. It's only with you that I can stand, that I can face this great unknown and have peace. I want him to experience that. Bring him to your chambers, God.

Bride of Christ

I am the bride of Christ. You love me and have asked me to be yours. You love me as a husband loves his bride. God, I didn't know what that meant, but now that I'm married to David it astounds me. He is such a beautiful reflection of what it means to be a bride.  His love for me is a holy reflection of your love, and your acceptance and the holy intimacy that exists between you and me. Thank you God, because as much as he loves me, with all my imperfections, and how embracing he is of me and my quirks even with my faults, you love me so much more. It's hard to comprehend. God, the openness and trust that I feel towards him, to know that the King of the universe feels for me the way he feels for me and more, is overwhelmeming. I love you God. I am so thankful that you have made me your bride, that I am a part of you. God, I thank you for your everlasting love, for your sacrifice for me, for laying down your life for me. For ransoming me. You bought me like Hosea bought Gomer and you came after me and you continue to come after me everyday of my life. Thank you for covering my nakedness, for cleansing my dirt and sin. I love you God. I love you. Open my eyes. God, open my eyes to see you. Allure me to you, woe me to you. Sanctify me. Teach me to love you good. To love you with all my heart, mind and spirit.

Have You An Arm Like God's?...

Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be justified? Have you an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like his? Deck yourself with majesty and dignity; clothe yourself with glory and splendor. Pour out the overflowings of your anger, and look on all who are proud, and abase them. Look on all who are proud and bring them low; tread down the wicked where they stand. Hide them all in the dust together, bind their faces in the world below. Then I will also acknowledge to you that your own right hand can give you victory. (Job 40:8-14)


Awesome. Awesome, and marvelous. God that is all that I can really say, not many words left. How long have I missed this? For too long. Job apparently hadn't found out either b/c afterwards he says he didn't really know you. Or perhaps he forgot. God I want to know this side of you.  I want to say as he did:


Therefore, I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me which I did not know...I had heard of thee by hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees thee; therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes...

So Much Right Now...

Oh Father. What do I say right now? I'm tired, so tired. And I'm thankful. The other day, I pretty much broke down because I was so overwhelmed by your goodness. I have a job. You provided, as you promised. And I'm so excited God. I look forward to it with so much expectation and wonder. But right now I have this huge mountain to climb and I'm becoming exhausted. Weary, just weary. I probably haven't done this the right way either though. I could probably be praying a lot more, taking more time to slow down and rest. Just rest in you. You are my rest. God help me please. This exam seems impossible, my brain doesn't seem to quite retain all of this information and time slips thru my hands everyday.

And then, then there's my baby. He's going thru the same right now God. Working so hard, hoping for so much, but neither of us really know what can happen.  God that's how it feels at times. And then I have to remember that your goodness and your heart is for us. That you desire his happiness and his good. Please hide us in your shelter, cover us with your mighty hand. I love you Daddy. We trust you, lead us...there's so much that's unknown right now. But you are a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.

I Want Understanding

Dear Lord, I am getting so frustrated. Lately I've been having this persistent desire to really, really study your word. I am so tired of just accepting what people say, of hearing the incessant debates about scripture interpretation and application without really knowing what's true. On top of that, I keep thinking of all the verses that say that we are to study your word. But I don't even know where to begin. Everytime I try to do it, I get bogged down by controversy and disputes in the text. Today's reading of Matthew 1 is an example; I never knew the  reference to Isaiah 7:14 of Jesus' virgin birth had caused so much discord.  But in all honesty, it is onfusing to me. Isaisah 7:14 is talking about a child who learnd right from wrong. But Jesus knew no wrong, he was sinless! So how do I make sense of it all? God, please, please, keep me from inerrant doctrine. Keep me from bogus claims. Lead me in your truth, teach me your word God. I want  want to hide your words in my heart and I want to understand your precepts and follow them. Here is my request of you Lord, according to your word:

• Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. (Luke 24:45) God open my mind.
• Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this. (2 Timothy 2:7) Give me insight, help  me to reflect please.
• They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving meaning so that the people could understand what was being read. Show me the meaning of your word so that I can understand it.
• My heart will utter words of wisdom. My heart shall utter understanding." (Psalm 49:3) Let my heart be filled with wisdom and understanding of your ways.
• Give me understanding and I will keep your law. Yes, I will obey it with all my heart. (Psalms 119:34) Father, I want to know you so that I can honor you.
• Your testimonies are righteous forever. Give me understanding that I may live. (Psalm 119:144) Father, I know your word is life, it is bread, it is sustenance. I want to live.
• My son, if you accept my words, and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you look for it as for silver, and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and the kowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:1-6) God, I accept your words, I turn my ear to you and want to apply my heart to understanding.  Givce me wisdom, knowledge of you.
• Let my cry come before you, Yahweh. Give me understanding according to your word. (Psalm 119:169)

Ran into this one too; awesome scripture. "and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability andknowledge in all kids of crafts--" Exodus 31: 1

Graduation:"I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you." -God

I can't sleep. Dear God I can't sleep. It's so annoying, so frustrating, but I have so much running thru my mind. I didn't even take a minute out this week to thank you, for graduating nine days ago. I mean, actually thank you-not just in passing, not just in word. After it was all said and done, you helped me get to the top of the tallest mountain of my past three years and I didn't even honor you. It makes me so ashamed.

 I'm sorry God. I'm sorry, it seems like its the theme of my life. It's so discouraging sometimes. But I am thankful God. I am thankful and I realize that it was you. That it was all you and I could not have done it without you. You were so faithful. I remember daydreaming about it for so long And you made my dream come true. Like you have done in so many other areas of my life. Thank you. I wasn't the most likely candidate; I had little going for me, but you made it possible. My God is strong, his power knows no bounds. Dear Lord, help me remember that. Help me remember this great accomplishment and the strength of your right hand from this point on also. Please direct me, thank you for how you've spoken today:

 "I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

I think I forgot that earlier today and yesterday, with this mess of job-searching and stuff. But thank you for reminding me. You will instruct me and teach me where to go. Thank you God. Thank you for watching over me. I love you my dearest Lord.

Seek me that you may live...

"For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel. Seek me that you may live." What a scripture. Dear Lord, I came across it today along with this one: "Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his face continually."

And this one, "But seek first his kingdom and his righeousness and all these things will be added to you."

And this one, "I rejoice in the following of your statutes as one rejoices in great riches."

So much time. We humans spend so much time seeking wealth, respect, education, jobs, money, approval, diversions. Oh God, that I would seek you. How stupid it all is, we spend so much time seeking after all these other things when all the goodness of life is found in you. Hidden in you. God I want to seek you. I want to rejoice in your voice, your word, your spirit more than I rejoice in the other things of this life that you have given me. And when it's all said and done, and I go on in this life, from day to day, I want to find you there too. In my daily life-in my work, in my school, in my marriage, in the way I eat and lie down. I want to follow your statutes with the things you give me.

Help me to find your joy as I do these things today.  That I would find your strength: the joy of the Lord in my daily walk!  Open my eyes to see the joy that you bring and the fullness of life that comes from doing your will. Today God. As I prepare for this last exam, in being a wife to my husband and a good friend to my best friend. Help me to find joy in whatever you bring my way today as I follow your statutes Lord.  And help me to hide the treasure of your kingdom deep in my heart.
Thank you for your word, it is a lamp unto my feet, but more than that, it's a compass that redirects my path when I start to veer off.