A week without prayer...back at step 1

This is my second attempt at a blog. Let's see how it goes. Today I'm trying to pray. I came over to a friend's house to study and found her praying. It reminded me of so many things I've forgotten. Things like "seek God first and all the other things will be added to you" (I know I got that wrong, but it's the gist).

I'm sorry Lord. Again. I wish I could love you right. I don't think I even know what love is half the time. And I miss you. I feel incomplete when I'm not near you. Like my life is not quite whole. How can I love you and not event talk to you? How can I talk about you with so much conviction and so much love, but not address you for days on end? I haven't prayed in over a week now I think. I haven't even opened my Bible. How does that happen?  But yesterday I was talking about you again. Talking to my friend about how I am not worried about my life after graduation because I figured wherever I end up, i'll end up there because you put me there. How do I have that assurance and that "sinverguenzura" without even having talked to you? It just doesn't seem right.

But I'm here Lord. Trying something new for something old--prayer. It's basically the same thing, just me praying on a keyboard...lol. In the end, I know it all boils down to you. Whether I blog, sing, pray-in-my-head, whatever...it doesn't matter. But I need help. I have a hard time reaching you and talking to you sometimes. Maybe this will help. I don't know. I love you so much my light. Hosana.
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So, between the time of this new paragraph and the last one above, I decided to just look up Biblegateway. I mean, writing is all good and nice, but prayer is about God talking also. I looked up the audio Bibles in Biblegateay and came across a reading of Genesis 3 from Max McLean (I always start out at either Genesis or one of the Gospels after a long time of going without reading the Bible...not sure why). Wow! What an amazing reader. I've never heard the Bible that way. When  he talks about God creating man and the woman, and of how she was created from his rib, it all sounds so holy. So divine.

Then a few verses later, the same woman gives to her husband to eat  of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. And then, the wrath of God. It's so incredibly amazing and powerful the way McLean reads it. God sounds furious and angry, like a judge judge meting out justice.  It's insane to think how this same God, all the while he's rendering his verdict, is also crafting a plan to save. How incredibly glorious.  It's even more awesome that we get a glimpse of it when he says that the woman's offspring will crush the snake.

How satisfying that was. Your word really is like bread.  I feel full again, already. And almost ashamed of it; I just asked, looked to you and you satisfied me so quickly, without hesitation. Thank you God. I want more. Please keep me hungry and full on your bread of life. I've been hungry and thirsty for the past two weeks.