The Bar

Oh Dear Lord. Where to begin. I don't know. I have this huge mountain in front of me, and it looms so big. Please put David's words deep in my heart, "With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall.", I don't know how I can do it, don't know how other people do it. I can only trust that you, my God, my hope of Glory will do. That you will do as you've done these past three years, you've amazed me in so many ways.  God and you've been good, remind me. Remind me of all the funny little stories of how you provided and came through. Like that semester when I was getting married right after finals, or the time I freaked out about applying to Fort Pierce and Orlando and being so scared that the timing would be off and I wouldn't get that job in Orlando. And what did you do? You showed me. I wonder what you were thinking that day I was freaking out and scared, you probably remembered that I was made of dust and had compassion on me even in my obtuseness. Thank you Lord. And you will come through again, your hand is not shortened. Thank you for your word God, and thank you for Vanessa and this scripture.

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
⁶ Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ LORD, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!

Dear God, do this for David. Give him this communion, this assurance that you give me. It's only with you that I can stand, that I can face this great unknown and have peace. I want him to experience that. Bring him to your chambers, God.

Bride of Christ

I am the bride of Christ. You love me and have asked me to be yours. You love me as a husband loves his bride. God, I didn't know what that meant, but now that I'm married to David it astounds me. He is such a beautiful reflection of what it means to be a bride.  His love for me is a holy reflection of your love, and your acceptance and the holy intimacy that exists between you and me. Thank you God, because as much as he loves me, with all my imperfections, and how embracing he is of me and my quirks even with my faults, you love me so much more. It's hard to comprehend. God, the openness and trust that I feel towards him, to know that the King of the universe feels for me the way he feels for me and more, is overwhelmeming. I love you God. I am so thankful that you have made me your bride, that I am a part of you. God, I thank you for your everlasting love, for your sacrifice for me, for laying down your life for me. For ransoming me. You bought me like Hosea bought Gomer and you came after me and you continue to come after me everyday of my life. Thank you for covering my nakedness, for cleansing my dirt and sin. I love you God. I love you. Open my eyes. God, open my eyes to see you. Allure me to you, woe me to you. Sanctify me. Teach me to love you good. To love you with all my heart, mind and spirit.

Have You An Arm Like God's?...

Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be justified? Have you an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like his? Deck yourself with majesty and dignity; clothe yourself with glory and splendor. Pour out the overflowings of your anger, and look on all who are proud, and abase them. Look on all who are proud and bring them low; tread down the wicked where they stand. Hide them all in the dust together, bind their faces in the world below. Then I will also acknowledge to you that your own right hand can give you victory. (Job 40:8-14)


Awesome. Awesome, and marvelous. God that is all that I can really say, not many words left. How long have I missed this? For too long. Job apparently hadn't found out either b/c afterwards he says he didn't really know you. Or perhaps he forgot. God I want to know this side of you.  I want to say as he did:


Therefore, I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me which I did not know...I had heard of thee by hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees thee; therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes...

So Much Right Now...

Oh Father. What do I say right now? I'm tired, so tired. And I'm thankful. The other day, I pretty much broke down because I was so overwhelmed by your goodness. I have a job. You provided, as you promised. And I'm so excited God. I look forward to it with so much expectation and wonder. But right now I have this huge mountain to climb and I'm becoming exhausted. Weary, just weary. I probably haven't done this the right way either though. I could probably be praying a lot more, taking more time to slow down and rest. Just rest in you. You are my rest. God help me please. This exam seems impossible, my brain doesn't seem to quite retain all of this information and time slips thru my hands everyday.

And then, then there's my baby. He's going thru the same right now God. Working so hard, hoping for so much, but neither of us really know what can happen.  God that's how it feels at times. And then I have to remember that your goodness and your heart is for us. That you desire his happiness and his good. Please hide us in your shelter, cover us with your mighty hand. I love you Daddy. We trust you, lead us...there's so much that's unknown right now. But you are a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.